The Dating Game Continued
by Solis Knight
Summary: The epic comedy inspired by Kyarorain is back in business! Join your least favorite host as he attempts to survive another round of embarrassing comedy!
1. Chapter 1

The Dating Game Continued

The Dating Game Continued

Continuation by: IsaacGaretMia

Disclaimer: I do not own golden sun, nor the concept of dating games, in fact I do not own the original piece of work. Credit is given to Kyarorain, and I'm sure we are all sorry that he stopped writing his hilarious comedy.

Alex waited at stage left, watching the crowd settle into their seats. Curse that big rock… Making him host this show again, how DARE he?! Just because he snuck off and became a contestant and tried to kill Isaac for his power, now he has to host this show forever?! Dammit! Hopefully the show wouldn't be so shocking and vulgar this time around… The Wise one had outsourced the cardwriting job to an underpaid worker in Xian... so things should calm down, right?

An technician called out five seconds till live. Alex prepared an utterly fake smile, and prepared for a humiliating experience. The Dating Game theme song played, and Alex walked onstage, flashing his utterly fake smile and reading off his cue card.

"Welcome, to another exciting episode of… The Dating Game! The job of writing the script has changed hands, so the show should be much less vulgar!"

Half of the crowd cheered, and Alex could see the side with the banner saying 'Alex Is HOT!' doing their best to get Alex to notice him. While he was looking at his fanbase, a tomato hit him in the side of his face, from his enemy side. Ignoring them, he turned over to his next cue card.

"Now, we proceed to the part of the program where one lucky guy gets to choose from three lovely girls!! Lets reveal our contestant, you love him, you know him, Ladies and Gentlemen and Rocks, here he is, FELIX OF VALE!!"

Alex was at least trying to sound like a host this time, determined to serve out his life sentence so he could try and steal Isaac's power again at the end. Felix was sitting in the chair, mortified at being picked to be a contestant.

"Why in hell am I here, Alex?!"

"Yeah, Alex! Why is HE here?! I thought I was the contestant!"

Garet walked onstage from stage left, and Alex was confused. Had noone briefed the young and stupid Mars adept?

"Garet, there was another information leak, and when everyone learned that you were the contestant, noone signed up…"

Garet turned to the audience, and started to prepare a nice big fire spell before Alex knocked him out and teleported away with him, setting him in front of his house, and teleporting back to the stage in a second.

"Sorry, folks. That being taken care of, lets move on to our lucky ladies!"

"Alex, I'm going to make you pay for this…"

Alex walked over and whispered in the usually quiet boy's ear.

"Trust me, the contestants are good this time. Just enjoy yourself and it will all be over."

Alex doubled over in pain as he felt a strong fist knock into his groin. After a few Ply's and a hurried scurrying away, he reached the other side of the curtain, where the three lovely ladies were waiting.

"And first, it's Sheba of Lalivero!"

"It's Felix on the other side, isn't it Alex!"

Immediately, several members of the crowd rose from their seats, shouting: "LIGHTHOUSESHIPPING!!" Before being promptly reseated by security. Evidently, lighthouseshipping was intensely popular amongst the audience. Since Alex was supposed to ignore the audience, he proceeded on to the next girl in the chair.

"And our next contestant… What the-?"

A large closet had been erected on the stage, and was securely locked from the inside. Apparently, someone was trying to make a point here.

"Excuse me, could you please tell the audience your name?"

"NO! I will not come out of the closet unless Felix picks me!"

Ugh, this was beginning to give him a headache. And he was hoping to have a non-crazy show this time. Ignoring the second contestant, he proceeded to the third chair, where an old acquaintance sat.

"What the-… Karst?"

"Yes, it's me. What are you staring at, fool?"

"Well I uh… Didn't expect you to come here for Felix, is all…"

"Oh, Felix is the contestant? I hadn't heard. I was hoping for someone to replace Agatio, the stupid git. He died in the lighthouse before it lit."

"Oh. Ladies and Gentlemen, Karst of Prox!"

A large portion of the audience cheered at this. Apparently, most of them had hoped to see Karst's sensitive side, and this was their chance. Suddenly, many of them started chanting: "DUSK! DUSK! DUSK! DUSK!" To Alex, that didn't even make sense, because all of the other names made some sort of sense… But that one didn't even remotely sound like Felix and Karst at all…

"Alright, Felix! It's time to ask your questions!"

Alex ducked as Felix sent a large Spire at him, and proceeded to teleport right behind him and whisper in his ear:

"Listen, Felix. Either you ask those questions of your own free will, or I use part of the Golden Sun to hypnotize you and MAKE you do it, understand?"

Felix nodded, who didn't particularly want to wake up with some random girl next to him. Alex sighed with relief, and stood next to the curtain and awaited the questions.

"Number One… If you had to pick three people to go on a date with, who would they be?"

Alex waited for the response, and here it was:

"Well, I would first pick Felix… Then I would pick Ivan, Then I would pick Isaac, because he's cute."

Felix nodded, clearly trying to figure out who would pick those three people… Then he shrugged, and looked at the next card.

"Number two… who would you… Euwwww, this is disgusting! I'm picking a different question. Number Two, where do you see yourself in a year?"

The person in the closet hesitated for a second, then a muffled answer was heard:

"With you, travelling across Weyard!"

Felix was definitely thinking about that one… He wouldn't mind spending that much time with someone, as long as he liked the girl…

"Alright, um… Number Three, do you like to dance?"

"I think dancing is a useless show of affection, and chivalry is the only course to a lady's heart."

Karst spat out the answer like rapidfire, clearly having strong beliefs about the subject. The audience booed, hoping for something a little more affectionate than that. Felix had to stop and think, who in the world would think that? He was definitely impressed at the answer though, because he was indeed silent and closed off most of the time too.

"Okay, next question… Number One, where is your ideal first date?"

Sheba thought for a moment, then answered: "I enjoy places high up with spectacular views, but I would be anywhere with you…"

Felix looked disturbed… evidently, he had a fangirl, who liked high places and wanted to have him at all costs. Felix did not agree with high places very well, he had mostly jumped off the lighthouse just to get off it… so he decided that the first girl was out.

"Alright, Number Two: If you could have any body part from an animal, which would you choose?"

A muffled answer came through the closet: "Well, I would choose a elephants-" The rest was obscured by a long bleep. Alex looked through the curtain, thanking Sol for the sound effects department.

"I didn't get that. And I'm glad I didn't. Next one."

"Good choice, Felix."

Ignoring Alex, Felix switched to the next card.

"Number Three: If I were injured, what would you do?"

"I would give you some herbs and take you to a hospital, of course."

Karst, again, spat out the answer like it was burning a hole in her. The audience gasped, seeing for the first time some spark of compassion in her. Then they started applauding for the Proxian girl.

"Wow, why is the audience clapping? The answer wasn't that special…"

But the answer had indeed given him something about the girl. Either she was a wind adept or Mars adept, or she was a commoner. He decided that he would take his chances with her, but there were still more cards to read.

"Alright, Number One: If one of us had to die, and the other could live, and you could choose, which would it be?"

"I would choose to give myself up so you could live."

Although Felix was impressed, he was also disturbed that a fangirl would be that obsessed with him.

"Ummm, okay. Number Two: If you could have any superpower: which would it be?"

Another answer out of the closet: "Superhuman Strength."

"I wonder why he wouldn't like to fly…"

Alex gasped, suddenly figuring out exactly who was in the closet. He ran forward and started whispering frantically in Felix's ear.

"For the love of Sol, do NOT pick number two, whatever you do!!"

"Why not?"

"Trust me, you won't like it…"

For once, Felix was inclined to agree. The person behind door number two did NOT sound like a girl to him.

"Alright, Number Three: If you were dying, what would your last words to me be?"

"Depends. Were you dying with me, or were you living?"

"Um… Let's say I'm dying with you."

"See you on the other side."

The answers came back so fast, Felix barely had time to think, and then the audience started laughing uproariously, so Felix couldn't hear himself think. Things were all so confusing!

"PEOPLE! SHUT UP SO I CAN MAKE A DECISION!"

The audience took several seconds to quiet down, and then they waited on bated breath. Would he pick Sheba, or Karst? Or that weird person in the closet…

"Alright Felix, who do you choose?"

Alex was right next to Felix now, as he promptly announced:

"I choose Number Three."

"Alright, Felix! Let's see who you rejected!"

Alex walked over behind the curtain, bringing Sheba back with him.

"First, you rejected Sheba of Lalivero!"

"Sh- SHEBA?!"

"Felix, how could you?!"

She was in tears, and Felix tried to explain.

"Well, I'm not a fan of heights, and you sorta sounded like someone who's obsessed with me…"

"You jumped off Venus Lighthouse to save me!"

"I just kinda wanted to get down from there, actually…"

The audience promptly broke out in uproarious laughter once again. When they had settled down, and Sheba had run off crying her eyes out, Alex was holding the incredibly heavy closet.

"Alright, you rejected someone in the closet! Now come out or I'll blast you out!"

The door opened, revealing…

"PIERS?! YOU'RE GAY?!"

"FELIX! WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME!"

Piers ran off the stage crying too. Alex was astounded that Felix was so popular.

"Why don't I get any fans…"

The fangirl side of the audience promptly started to cry, which Alex took no notice of. And he wondered why he had no fans…

"And you picked…"

A drumroll sounded. The sound department was doing a great job this time, he noted. He brought back Karst, who was walking with her head held high to meet Felix.

"Karst of Prox!!"

"Karst?! You're alive?! And you want me?"

"Yep, weakling. I go with the strongest, and right now that's you, big guy."

"And now, you get to pick one of three possible vacations!"

"Honestly, Alex. I really don't care. You can pick, Karst."

Karst promptly knocked Alex over, and stole the envelopes. She opened one after the other, burning the ones that were too repulsive.

"The Taopo Swamp? What the- Alex, remind me to kill you someday. Ah, here's a good one. Champa… I've always wanted to see their forge."

"Fair enough. The lapis is right here, shall we go?"

Karst walked over to Felix, and they promptly teleported away. Alex was left alone in the middle of the stage, where his enemies were starting to throw orange peels at him.

"Alright, we'll be back with Part Two of the Dating Game right after a word from our sponsors!"

­­­­­

Alex walked offstage, trying to find the herb store. He needed as much Ibuprofen as he could get.

"And we're back! The Dating Game will now turn to Part Two! Where one lucky lady gets to choose from three guys!"

Alex was back onstage, after nearly overdosing of Ibuprofen, being saved only by a quick Ply spell. Alex could barely feel his head now. However, Alex was also feeling the best he had ever felt on this show. He had finally found a contestant that wouldn't get the crowd riled up at all!

"And now, for our lucky lady! You know her, you bought stuff from her, Ladies and Gentlemen, iiiit's… THE ITEM SHOP GIRL FROM IZUMO!!"

The audience was suitably confused. What were they supposed to do now? There were no shippings involving the item shop girls…

"IZUMOSHIPPING!!"

And with that word, Alex realized in horror that the entire crowd would be chanting that for the entire game. He nearly broke down into tears at the thought of it, only being brought back by his dignity, which was on the verge of packing up and leaving if he didn't keep going with the show.

"Now, let's meet the three lucky guys who can choose our beautiful lady here!"

Alex walked to the right of the curtain, looking at the three guys who had lined up. He thanked Sol that there weren't any weirdoes here… Oh crap, not Kraden again!

"Kraden what are you doing here! You were BANNED!"

"I'm back by popular demand! Everyone loves me!"

The entire crowd started booing at that statement. Apparently, the crowd thought that Kraden was so annoying he was only deserving of himself. Alex wiped the sweat off his brow, clearly wondering if he should kick him out or not… Finally, he decided that he'd let it slide, then kill him later.

"Alright, our first contestant: Ivan of Kalay!"

The crowd started cheering their heads off. Apparently, that was what Izumoshipping was all about. Then they started chanting, and Alex sincerely wanted to teleport out of here right that second… Had that spell still been in his ability. Unfortunately, the Ibuprofen made him unable to concentrate long enough to get out of there.

"Our next contestant… Kraden of Tolbi!"

The crowd switched from cheering to booing again. Inside, Alex was glad that Kraden was not well loved. It would mean that noone would care if he killed him. The next contestant was…

"Um… Who are you?"

"I am Master Feh, of Xian. I come to find beautiful girl, yes?"

"Uhh, okay… There you have it folks, Master Feh of Xian!"

The crowd was confused again. They were torn between Ivan and Feh. Suddenly, someone in the audience shouted:

"FEHSHIPPING!!"

Oh no, not again…. Oh Sol, now they were rioting! The Izumoshippers were undaunted by security and proceeded to impale the unfortunate Fehshippers with stakes before order was restored. A few quick Ply's, and everything was back to its old self: everyone fighting over ships.

"Dammit, it never fails! They always argue!"

'_GET ON WITH THE SHOW, ALEX!_'

"Okay, so: Izumo Item Shop girl, you may now ask your questions."

The girl from Izumo held the card up to her face, and spoke in a dainty, delicate voice.

"Are you good at mountain climbing?"

"Which contestant?"

"Number… Two?"

Kraden answered:

"Yes, I have scaled Mt Aleph before!"

Alex was tempted to impale Kraden for not telling the truth. Alex knew that Isaac and Garet had done all of the work. Fortunately, the girl seemed unimpressed.

"Mt. Aleph? I have never heard of such a thing! Are you making things up?"

Kraden was crestfallen, and Alex was laughing his butt off. When he had finished, Alex told the girl to ask Number One a question.

"Okay, Number One: If there was a giant serpent guarding me, would you defeat it to save me?"

"I would! I would strike it down with my fists and power!"

Alex wiped the sweat off of his brow. If he had let slip that he was a Wind adept, then the game would have lost its randomness.

"Okay! Yay! Number Three… What would you feed me if I was sick?"

"I would feed you medicine, then I would roast fish from our lake and herbs from our garden."

The Item Shop girl seemed to not like fish at all, which sent Alex laughing even harder. She lived on an island for Sol's sake!

"Okay, number One again: Tell me something true about the other guys!"

Alex started to protest, until the Wise One shocked his body remotely. '_The question is good, she is seeing if number one will tell the truth. You cannot interfere, or I will shock you again._' Alex was beginning to hate that big rock even more.

"Um… The guy next to me is really boring, and the other one is really old!"

Alex told her that Number One was indeed telling the truth, which scored points in the girls point of view.

"Now, Number Two: Linen or Wool? I don't understand…"

What the-? Who was writing this crap? After a mental argument between himself and the Wise One, followed by several more zaps, Alex managed to restrain himself. Kraden answered:

"Wool is very scratchy, and Linen is not very attractive… I would say whichever you liked best!"

The little cheeky suckup! Alex resolved to torture the man before he killed him. Again, the girl was not pleased with the answer, so Alex was happy for the present.

"Number Three… Who do you idolize?"

"I idolize noone, as I teach those who idolize me."

The girl seemed very put off by the response. This man seemed very self absorbed!

"Um… Number One? The world is about to end… What do you say to me?"

"I would say that everything's going to be okay, and that we both lived good lives."

The Item shop girl looked to be very pleased, and the crowd was now busy making Izumoshipping signs in the audience. One by one, these banners came up, and they looked to be even bigger than the Alex is HOT banners. For the first time, Alex noticed this, and finally got the message that Ivan was more popular than him. The Wise One had to shock him several times to get him to stop making for the corner to cry his eyes out.

"Number Two! I can't walk anymore! What do you do?"

"I take you to a Sanctum so they can heal you!"

The girl didn't know whether that answer was good OR bad… She resolved to call it neutral, and asked the last question:

"Number Three! I wake up one morning, and suddenly can't use vowels! When I say wht s gng n?, what do you say back?"

For once, all three contestants were dumbfounded. None of them could think up an answer to that question. Finally, Master Feh broke the silence, by saying:

"I do not know… I think I would help you some how, but I would not know how to."

The girl seemed disappointed. Was that really so common nowadays? Then Alex noticed that the questions were done with, and started to inwardly cheer. It was almost over! Alex walked over, saying:

"Well, you heard it here folks! Now, which of these lucky guys do you choose?!"

"I choose number One!"

The crowd went wild. Literally. They started to bang their banners over the Fehshippers heads, and started screaming at the top of their lungs. Thankfully, Alex had put his hands over his ears in preparation, and began to walk to the other side of the curtain suffering little ear damage.

"You rejected: KRADEN OF TOLBI!"

"Why, why you beautiful girl! I wanted you!"

"Ew, you horrible old man. You really ARE boring!"

Kraden stomped off stage, being rejected for the third time.

"And now for the new policy! If someone has come on the show and has been rejected three times in a row, then everyone can end his misery! That's right folks! Kraden can now be killed!"

The crowd went wild, leaving only a handful of people in the stands to watch the rest of the proceeds.

"You also rejected: Master Feh of Xian!"

The master took one look at the rather attractive young girl, and sighed, walking off the stage with his head held low.

"And here is the person you picked: Ivan of Kalay!"

Ivan walked over from the other side of the curtain, staring at the beautiful girl from Izumo. And that's all he did, he just stared. Apparently, he hadn't seen a pretty girl like that in a while. He mouthed: 'Wow…" as Alex herded him close to her.

"And now, you may pick your vacation!"

Alex pulled out three envelopes from his pocket, and spread them out to her. She picked the one on the left, and opened it. Suddenly, she started squealing.

"YAY! WE GET TO GO TO THE TOP OF MT. MIKAGE!!"

Ivan couldn't have been happier. He was going to a place where he could see for miles out into the ocean, with a pretty girl to boot! Alex handed her the vacation packet, which promptly warped them to their location.

"Thank you all for watching, and we'll see you next time on: THE DATING GAME!"

The cameras stopped rolling, and Alex slumped to the floor of the studio, thankful that it was finally over. Noone stopped to pick him up though.


	2. Chapter 2

"You have GOT to be kidding me!" Alex stared slack-jawed at the new owner of the Dating Game Continued… There, in front of him, against all odds, stood Kraden… with the deeds to the studio and everything in his hands.

He couldn't believe his life could have gotten so much worse.

"Nope, Alex my boy! The Wise One has seen fit to give me the show! He got bored, you see… So he decided to let me spice things up a bit! Now you get back up on that stage before I tell the Wise One of your drug habit!" Kraden warned, shooing the unfortunate demigod onto the stage. The curtains were closed so far, and the insufferable old man had actually been able to keep a secret this time around. No one knew who the contestants were this time, not even Alex himself.

Alex would have popped a few Advil at this point, but Kraden had confiscated his drug stash. Now he would have to endure the suffering past the point of disbelief. He would rather strangle himself at this point, an impossible feat, rather than continue on with this charade of a game show.

The curtains rose up in a fantastic manner, parting like the red sea, while the lively theme of the show played in the background. Camera's zoomed in from the far reaches of the studio, and microphones lowered from above. A spotlight or two turned to face him upon the scaffolding above the stage, nearly blinding him with their rays. Just like old times, he thought ruefully.

"Hello, and welcome to the Dating Game Continued, bla bla bla…" Alex muttered in a monotone, not even paying attention to the cue cards or the teleprompter that was _clearly_ telling him to mention Kraden as the new proprietor. Within seconds, anticlimactically, Alex felt the tingling, burning sensation down his spine, and quickly amended his statement.

"Welcome to the Dating Game!" Alex began again, in the high shrill voice of one who has just had their vocal cords shocked to oblivion. "As some of you may already be aware, we have a new owner. Kraden, (may he rot in hell) has taken ownership of the studio, and will now bring to you more exciting drama!" Scattered applause echoed forlornly throughout the studio. Although they had somehow managed to keep a full house yet again, not many here were Kraden fans. Especially the mothers, who had their hands at the ready on either side of their children's heads, just waiting for the first syllable of profanity. One wondered why they still brought their children to this dump of a game show.

Alex mournfully noticed that his fan club had persisted in making their presence known, now banding into one huge section right in the middle of the studio. Their pink frilly banners and cheaply aqua-dyed hairstyles stood out like a sore thumb compared to the Anti-Alex committee, who had their tomatoes and fresh lettuce at the ready to launch. Kraden had 'forgotten' to erect a shield to prevent the projectiles from reaching the stage… to Alex's intense fury.

But the show had to go on. Alex read from the teleprompter, ignoring the cue cards. With what he had read from paper for the last couple of episodes, he no longer trusted anything Kraden wrote. "Tonight's contestant has stayed a secret, thankfully, so now here it is, folks! The lovely lady that will get to choose a date from three contestants!" Behind him and to the left, a pink frilly curtain rose to reveal…

Some girl he hadn't seen before. Wonderful. Alex quickly read off of the teleprompter.

"Kushinada, of the Izumo tribe, everyone! Now, thanks to Kraden's alterations, Kushinada here will not be able to hear anything past the curtain! Only when the microphone is on will sound be able to reach her ears. Now, let's meet our young men come to claim her!" The crowd applauded, and the girl spoke her gratuitous line.

"Thank you, Alex. I'm glad to be here. After Suza became such a big hero, he suddenly didn't want to talk to me anymore. In fact, he tried to imprison me in the catacombs. I just hope Felix is on the other side of that curtain…" After smiling the fakest smile he could manage, Alex hurried across to the other side, trying to end his involvement as quickly as possible.

The sight he was met with was… interesting…

Apparently, Conservato, Justin, and Sunshine had signed up for the show. Without missing a beat, he quickly walked over and introduced the contestants.

"Our first contestant is Lord Conservato of Lemuria! He is aged beyond belief and is a boring old geezer no one wants to hear talk." Ignoring the elderly Lemurian's glares, he strolled on over to chair number two, where the young Imilian boy sat. He had a rather large bump on his head, which led Alex to believe that someone had kidnapped him. It happened way too often on this show, after all.

"Next, we have Justin of Imil! This strapping young boy has apparently lost a dare, but hopefully his fortunes will change." Alex leaned in and whispered into the frightened boy's ear.

"Trust me. Answer the questions, and you might get lucky. This one's a keeper." Justin blushed furiously as Alex straightened and moved onto the last contestant.

"And finally, we have Sunshine of the small town of Yallam here! He is a master smith, most likely come to fish for some more 'raw materials', eh Sunshine?" Alex read the cheesy joke from his index card, that left the smith bewildered. The crowd didn't bite. No doubt Kraden was yelling at his TV screen for the crowd's lack of humor.

Alex didn't care. He only had one more sentence to read for a while, and he could finally take a break.

"Kushinada, you may ask your questions." With a flick of his wrist, he turned on the microphone set located conveniently next to him on his side of the curtain. A static feedback blared through the speakers for a second, before the sound actually began streaming. The girl picked up her first card, and began to read. Alex prayed that Kraden had outsourced the cardwriting again…

"Contestant number one… What is your favorite relaxation spot?" The Izumoan girl read. Conservato's reply came quickly and harshly.

"What business is it of yours where I relax?! Is this some sort of conspiracy? I'll have you up for treason against the Senate, mark my words!" The crowd let out a few chuckles, none of them fans of Conservato. It pleased them to note that contestant number one _certainly_ would not be getting a date. Kushinada in particular was quite disgusted.

"Alex, why did you let an asshole like Contestant number 1 on the show? Never mind…" Tossing the first card aside, she read aloud from the next. "Contestant number two, do you like… taking showers…" The girl's face blushed furiously, stopping her from reading the rest of the sentence. Alex facepalmed, certain that Kraden was writing the script now. Luckily, she did not need to finish the sentence.

"Yes, I love taking showers! The water feels so comforting, don't you agree?" Justin called faithfully from the other side of the curtain. Alex gave him a thumbs up, and waited for the girl to fish her next card from her deck.

"Contestant number three, what is… thirty four plus thirty five? What kind of question is that?" Kushinada looked to Alex, but he merely shook his head and mouthed 'Kraden' as a response. The portion of the crowd who had actually gone to school burst into laughter, whilst most of the Alex fanclub just sat there wondering what was so funny. Sunshine's response aroused even more laughter.

"Eighty seven?" Even Alex let out a chuckle from that one. They had dodged another bullet from Kraden's smoking gun of question cards… But they probably wouldn't be able to dodge another, he lamented as Kushinada read from a fourth card.

"Paranoid Bigot number one…" The crowd laughed even harder. "...do you like fish sticks?" The crowd waited on bated breath, utter silence reigning within the studio. Either this would be the funniest thing since Dane Cook, or Conservato would become even more of a hard headed asshole, a win win situation.

"Of course I love fish sticks! I live next to the damn sea for Alchemy's sake!" The crowd was not disappointed, and they were literally rolling in the aisles with laughter. Conservato continued as if he didn't notice. "I especially love their soft, almost creamy center. Sometimes I just eat off the head and suck out the white tender center and- WHAT THE DEVIL IS SO FUNNY?!" Conservato finally could no longer take the crowd's laughter, which had completely drowned him out. There was not one person in the studio in their seats anymore, and the security was doing all they could to stop the audience from choking to death. Even Alex was rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off. Perhaps having Kraden run the show wasn't such a bad idea…

Alex snapped out of it with that sobering thought, rising up again immediately. After a few minutes silent fuming on Conservato's part, and diligent CPR duty on the security's part, they had finally restored order to the crowd.

Kushinada, on the other hand, was the only person in the studio to not get the joke besides Conservato, thankfully. She was able to continue.

"Contestant number two, you want to get me a gift. What would you give me?" Thankfully, Alex thought, Kraden was not receiving this question. If he were, he doubtlessly would have screamed sex as loud as he could. As it was, the overprotective parents were clamping their hands over their children's ears in preparation.

"I'd walk along shore and find you some nice sea shells! They don't wash up often, but once in a while you find this pretty spiral that would make a great necklace." Justin would have continued, but Alex held up a hand to stop him. He was doing great, and would probably score tonight if he was lucky. That would show his friends up! Kushinada nodded thoughtfully… She hadn't walked along the beach in a long time. Not since Susa had dumped her.

"Contestant number three…" She chucked the last card as hard as she could to the audience, no doubt due to its obviously sexual nature. The overprotective parents cheered. "Would you save me from a dragon?" Alex raised an eyebrow, but made no comment. Sunshine scratched his stubble thoughtfully for a few seconds before answering.

"Of course! I would forge the finest weapons to pierce that wicked Dragon's heart! With its skin I could make the finest armors and weapons the world over…" Sunshine lost himself in his thoughts and became silent. Kushinada nodded thoughtfully. Alex frowned as he realized that it was that time again. He returned to the stage regretfully to continue with the show.

"Alright, Kushinada… Go ahead and pick your contestant." Alex suggested in what was probably meant to be a suspenseful voice but came out to be bored disinterest. Of course he would be surprised with not only the speed at which it came, but the actual answer itself.

"Contestant number three!" Alex blinked, and the crowd cheered. Everyone including the author had apparently forgotten that Sunshine already had a wife, so it went by unnoticed. Alex, who had not forgotten, shrugged and led the other contestants out.

"Let's see who you rejected!" He dragged back the old creeper, Conservato first. "You rejected Conservato of Lemuria!" The Izumoan girl shrieked out loud at the sight of the wretched old man.

"Eww! You shouldn't even still be _living_, much less looking for a date!" The old man disappeared, returning to Lemuria indifferent to the entire proceedings. Alex half-wondered whether he had gone senile to think of joining the show. Next he brought out the young Imilian, who was curious to find out who he could have won.

"You rejected Justin from Imil!" Upon seeing the girl, Justin blushed, and immediately ran in the opposite direction. If that was how the boy dealt with women, Alex couldn't wait until Mia came back to Imil…

"And here you are, Kushinada… You picked: Sunshine of Yallam!" The smith stepped out from behind the curtain and walked over to his new date. The girl curtsied formally, and wrapped her arms around the muscular man. Alex, tired of seeing such public displays of humiliation, proffered the choices of vacations. Sunshine took one at random, seeing how the girl couldn't seem to let go of him.

"What the- The Senate House of Lemuria?" Sunshine raised an eyebrow, while the entire crowd burst into laughter. They would certainly have a good time there, they noted sarcastically. Alex read off from the teleprompter for some more news.

"And remember, everyone watching at home! We have provided, exclusively for you viewers, live video footage of their 'date'! Stay tuned to watch them explore their vacation hotspot!" The audience immediately ran for their homes to watch what would certainly be the funniest half hour of television they would ever witness. Alex teleported the new couple to their new hell, and walked offstage.

He could have told himself it was almost over, but he knew it wasn't true. The Wise One wasn't done torturing him yet.


End file.
